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The Beer Poet

The Beer Poet / March 5, 2006 / Safeco Field


Beer at baseball games — it’s a proud tradition that once caused quite a controversy. Back in 1880, the Cincinnati reds were expelled from the National League in part because of the team’s refusal to stop selling beer at games.

Today, though, vendors’ shouts of “ice-cold beer are part of the pastime. Ron Fasnacht who works close to 200 games a year at different sites, says there are two types of stadium vendors:: “those that slug it out in the trenches and those that are showmen – and I’m one of the showmen.”

Fasnacht, a beer vendor at Safeco Field during the Mariners’ season, proudly points out that he calls out 20 different beer poems while he’s hawking ice-cold bottles through the aisles. Here are several of them:

Ron Fasnacht, 40
If your tongue’s parched
and your throat is dry
You might want to give
a cold beer a try.

You can’t be too young
if you’re 21 or older,
You’ll find my beer
is just a little bit colder.

I know all you fans
love to yell and cheer,
But it goes even better
with a bottle of beer.

I’ll serve it to you
friendly, fast, and frigid
It’s only the price
that is rigid.

Who else is thirsty
and needs a cold beer.
I got the brewsky’s
right over here.”

If you’re dying of thirst
or drooling for flavor
I’ve got the cold stuff
I’m your lifesaver.

Beer so cold
Brew so cool
The taste is bound
to make you drool.
Iced cold beer right here

I’ll help make you happy
and serve you with pride
If you love your beer cold
I’ll rush to your side

I’ll help to ease
those losing game blues.
I’ve got several types
of fermented brews.

It’s not so cold out
It’s all in your mind
Drink a couple beers
You’ll warm up just fine

Bud, Redhook
Lemonade, or Coors
Some of these bottles
could be yours

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